Confessions of an ungrateful brat

If you’ve known me long enough you’ve seen these types of posts before. I tend to be a cyclical person, like most of us humans are. I tend to go long periods of time thinking I’m okay and then, BAM!, I hit a wall and realize I was faking it all along and that the same issue has come back again, and again and again. I admit freely that I will never reach perfection as long as I’m on earth. I think, in some ways, God allows us to be imperfect so that we will need Him in our lives. Well, based on my own self, I need Him a lot!

I have been reminded this week, by my own internal voice, that I am no closer to conquering some of my issues than I was 5 years ago. I’m still a complainer. If I don’t complain on the outside, you can be sure I’m complaining on the inside. My level of gratitude for what God has given me, and my husband has worked hard to provide has gotten worse instead of better. While entire families are homeless right here in my city and around the world, I complain about where I live not being good enough for me. While I complain about exercising and how much I hate it, disabled, paralyzed people just dream of moving a limb one tiny fraction of an inch. While I belly-ache about having to restrict my diet, a mother in Africa, or even right here in my neighborhood, is wondering if she will have anything to feed her children just once today. Oh look how I have become - spoiled, ungrateful, entitled.

And then there is the gossiping side of me. I’ve realized this week that my tongue, and the brain that powers it, is a dangerous weapon. It’s not that I’ve gotten in trouble for something, but I’ve realized this week that I simply have no control over my tongue and that needs to change. There is a real problem with gossip where I work, and I realize that I’ve fallen right in with everyone else. Ask me and I’m likely to tell you. Let’s just say, no one would ever have to torture me to get information. I hate that about myself. I can change it, especially if I think before I speak, am quick to listen and slow to speak.

The good news is, I am capable of change. If I can lose 9 pounds in a month I can control my tongue and change my attitude. God will have to help me. But I will also have to become more aware of my actions, thoughts and words with even more diligence.

Why am I telling this stuff to the world? Because it’s a form of confession. I’ve prayed about it already, but I also know that many of you, my blogging friends, will hold me accountable. I’ve let people down because of my attitude, God, Brad, the girls - but mostly myself.

May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight oh God, my strength and redeemer.

Psalm 19:14