All Posts Tagged With: "humor"

This video has been making its way around the internets… it’s hysterical!

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn’t seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Brilliant!

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

This was emailed to me earlier today:

A doctor was addressing a large audience:

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding cake.”

Jessica Hagy posted another instant classic:

Continued

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 cup lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 cup nuts
1 tsp salt
2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 bottle Jack Daniel’s Whiskey

*
Sample the Jack Daniel’s to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Jack Daniel’s again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer….Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Jack Daniel’s is still OK, try another cup…Just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor… Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Jack Daniel’s > ;> to check for tonsis ticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jack Daniel’s. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. ; Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Dack Daniel’s and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!?

With the bad economy, banks aren’t the only ones downsizing!

Marc Stober writes a memorandum to his household “organization” regarding the financial crisis. Here are some highlights:

With the recent news on Wall Street, I have been hearing many concerns about our organization’s situation and wanted to take this opportunity to detail what we are doing from the top.

First, there will be no layoffs.

…

In the Travel and Entertainment category, you will find that fewer requests to eat in restaurants will be approved, and requests for desserts in restaurants, particularly, will not be approved (unless they are included in the cost of a kid’s meal). In the case of Cabot’s or The Cheesecake Factory, where ice cream or cheesecake, respectively, is kind of the point, sharing is strongly encouraged. An additional benefit of this will be improved health. Netflix has been put on hold for 90 days, and we will reconsider that offering then; unopened red envelopes left on top of the TV indicate a lack of demand at present. Newspaper and magazine subscriptions are subject to elimination as well. Executives, including myself, are being asked to purchase regular coffee in place of more expensive coffee drinks while traveling, and to utilize meals from our on-site food service provider whenever possible.

…

Lastly, note that we have no plans to add human resources. Requests for non-human resources (i.e., pets) may be considered in a future fiscal year.