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This was emailed to me earlier today:

A doctor was addressing a large audience:

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding cake.”

FactCheck was asked to check into the veracity of the following email making its way around the Internets:

INTERESTING FACTS —– NOTICE LINK AND MAP AT BOTTOM

Some unreported stats about the 2008 election

Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the 2008 Presidential election:

-Number of States won by: Democrats: 20; Republicans: 30

-Square miles of land won by: Democrats: 580,000; Republicans: 2,427,000

-Population of counties won by: Democrats: 127 million; Republicans: 143 million

-Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Democrats: 13.2; Republicans: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: “In aggregate, the map of the territory Republican won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens. Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in rented or government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare…”

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the “complacency and apathy” phase of Professor Tyler’s definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation’s population already having reached the “governmental dependency” phase.

Notice that only in the states of Alaska and Oklahoma: All counties were won by McCain/Palin.

The original posting with this information is below this Newsweek article at this link: http://www.newsweek.com/id/163337.

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Here’s what FactCheck found Continued

From my email inbox:

Dear Fellow Constituent,

The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations. The Library will include:

• The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
• The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
• The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
• The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
• The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
• The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
• The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling. Continued
  
  Tags: donations, George W. Bush, Jack Abramoff, Legacy, letter, political humor, political satire, Politics, presidential library

This was sent to me this morning from a pastor friend of mine…
(Sung to the tune of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas“)

Have yourself a peace and justice Christmas,
Set your heart a-right.
Flee the malls and focus on Christ’s guiding light.

Have yourself a peace and justice Christmas,
Give your time a way.
Share God’s love, And serve “the least of these” today.

Here we are, as we pray for peace,
We’ll live simply and give more.
We care for those far and near to us,
Which brings cheer to us, once more.

God brings down
The haughty from high places,
And lifts up the low.
God cares for the hungry and the humble, so –
Forget the stress and let the peace and justice flow!

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 cup lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 cup nuts
1 tsp salt
2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 bottle Jack Daniel’s Whiskey

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Sample the Jack Daniel’s to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Jack Daniel’s again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer….Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar…Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Jack Daniel’s is still OK, try another cup…Just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor… Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Jack Daniel’s > ;> to check for tonsis ticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jack Daniel’s. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. ; Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Dack Daniel’s and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!?

“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.”

— Steven Wright

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On this day in 1945, a naval aircraft squadron was lost in the Bermuda Triangle.

This picture was emailed to me. I don’t know its origins, but it’s certainly precious.

The photos below were emailed to me under the subject “Redneck Christmas Tree.” While the tree’s construction might seem a little “backwoods,” it seems to me that one could argue that it’s the ultimate “green” tree because it utilizes recycled materials. Besides, if it was truly a redneck Christmas tree, wouldn’t it involve beer — say Pabst Blue Ribbon or Keystone Light?

Anyway, I thought it was actually kinda cool. Here’s the finished product…

Here’s how they made it Continued

If you didn’t see it, you likely wouldn’t have believed it…

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Continued

This was sent from a colleague…
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Phase 1

You are listening to jazz — Your first day at work is great. Your coworkers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!

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Continued

Tags: cats, humor, Inbox, job, kittens, phases, work, workplace