A doctor was addressing a large audience:

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding cake.”

Dear Fellow Constituent,

The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations. The Library will include:

• The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
• The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
• The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
• The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
• The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
• The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
• The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
• The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
• The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
• The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)
• The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.
• The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
• The Supreme Court Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
• The Airport Men’s Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
• The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President’s accomplishments.

The library will also include many famous Quotes by George W. Bush:

• ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’
• ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
• ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’
• ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’
• ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.’
• ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
• ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’
• ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
• ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
• ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.’
• ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’ (during an education photo-op)
• ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’
• ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’
• ‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
• ‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’…George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Sincerely,
Jack Abramoff, Co-Chair G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors

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