I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me

Tonight’s the night. I go to the sleep clinic for my doctor-prescribed sleep study. I’m not looking forward to it at all. As I mentioned previously, I hate the thought of someone seeing me sleep — and when I say hate, I mean obsessively abhor. You can ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that no matter how tired I may be, I fight as hard as I can to stay awake if I’m anywhere but my own bed because I don’t want others to see (or worse, hear) me sleeping.

Tonight, the whole focus of my going is for someone to actively watch and monitor my sleeping. The very thought could potentially keep me awake if it wasn’t for the fact that I am so utterly exhausted. Even so, I’ve been fretting this all week and at a much more heightened state of anxiety for most of today. Even now, my stomach is churning. I wouldn’t be doing it if it weren’t absolutely necessary.

We — the doctor and I — suspect I may be suffering from a pretty serious case of sleep apnea. Aside from the very real, potentially life-threatening symptoms of sleep apnea, my poor sleeping patterns are adversely impacting my daytime activities in a significant way — my ability to concentrate, my ability to stay awake while at work (even though I have more than enough to keep me busy) and my ability to function effectively throughout the day. Even worse, waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air because you’ve stopped breathing in your sleep is a very terrifying experience. it’s happened enough times now that I couldn’t wait any longer.

So, I fretfully await my appointment as the clock slowly ticks down to that dreaded hour…